Last night my mental checklist of things to do got all funky and freaky. In the dark, tame apprehensions morphed into wild irrational threats to my peace of mind. In the haze of half-awakeness, tiny setbacks felt like insurmountable failures, and potential bumps in the road like looming mountains of doom. “Get behind me!’ I demanded, but still those anxious thoughts lingered, snaking their slithery fear mongering exaggerations around the ” I know better” parts of my brain. Lord have mercy, I chanted, until my breathing returned to normal and exhaustion prevailed over worry.
I slept fitfully.
Then came morning, and with the light of day instantaneous relief. Gone were the shadows darkening my reasonings; new were God’s mercies.
The farther I travel down this twisted and narrow path, the less I know for sure – the greater the Mystery.
I need help. Christ IS help. Leaning into that help is good.
Leaning into that help is all I can do…well, that and to never ever forget how vulnerable I am to doubt, greed and pride – much too vulnerable to judge anyone, of anything.
I’m keeping it simple:
Love God. Love you.
And that will keep me plenty busy for a lifetime.
“There is no need at all to make long discourses; it is enough to stretch out one’s hand and say, “Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy.” And if the conflict grows fiercer say, “Lord help!” God knows very well what we need and He shows us His mercy.” - Abba Macarius