I was up again last night, only this time because my mind was chock full of ideas and couldn’t shut itself off. See, I’m growing this dream of becoming a photographer for real – like the kind that hands out business cards and offers photo packages. I’ve got quite a bit to figure out of course – a lot to figure out, and it’s way too easy when staring down such a time and energy-consuming challenge for me to become overwhelmed, to the point of paralysis. But this time I do believe the drive is there, and the love is there, to soldier on. Being older helps, and having been rejected as a writer helps, in that I’ve been there and done that as far as comparing myself to others and lamenting my shortcomings in light of their crazy awesome talents.
It took years to digest the freeing fact there’s room for everyone’s unique voice as far as creative expression is concerned, and that really, when it comes down to it, success in any field hinges on persistent hard work and a refusal to stay down when knocked down. Trial and error, baby! That’s where the breakthroughs lie waiting to rush in and lead us forward. Finally tearing through a mental roadblock, after having bumped up hard against it ad nauseam, is electrifying.
All that to say, I’ve no idea where this passion will carry me but I’m committed to appreciating the incremental daily steps along the journey. This afternoon that included pouring over photography books at Barnes and Noble while sipping coffee and taking notes. I’m praying for the discipline to be patient with myself, gentle with myself, and respectful of the process.
Here’s to new tricks, and the courage it takes for middle-aged moms to learn them!
When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable. – Madeleine L’Engle