The Church is rock solid, our priest told us Sunday – and this despite the frailties and absurdities of we Her members. You know what I am not? Disappointed in your addictions, doubts, impulsiveness, temper, disillusionment, rough edges. There’s something achingly, authentically beautiful to me about human beings fully aware of their own imperfections, broken-heartedness and finiteness being good and gentle to one another – and holding on with all they’ve got to a stubborn belief in a mystical grace and compassion that covers all.
So little makes sense to me outside of the fulfillment born of becoming a Eucharist-fueled healing presence (despite my frailties and absurdities). You won’t find faith in logic and facts, I told my teenage son the other day. They will only trip you up – leave you distracted and blinded by the peripherals. Keep it simple. Pray for mercy and serve your neighbor, then see what happens. See if Christ can’t override your assumptions, your feelings of unworthiness, your self-obsession, your mental limitations with His peace. He can. He will.
All the time, all the time, I stray, I forget – forget from whence comes my help and my courage. Then it dawns on me – I’ve bitten off way more than I can chew. I’m overthinking. I’m over analyzing, over planning, over spending. I’m looking ahead. I’m too caught up in my own wants, opinions, time wasting endeavors, to attend vespers on a Saturday evening or read the Scriptures or stand at my icon corner. I’m too busy being anxious and discontent.
There is Church tonight, Troy told me this morning. It’s our parish’s patronal feast. And my initial reaction was, unfortunately, but not surprisingly, Awww, man. But I’ve got stuff to do, and I’m tired. Yes there is work involved in keeping the main, salvific things, the main thing. I’m in a continuous fight against my comfort and ease loving self. But if I can manage to quiet the excuses and show up, as is, I will be blessed most certainly by a most satisfying sense of rootedness.
The Church is rock solid.
Oh praise be to our patient, forgiving, unfathomable, eternal God!