Well, life's gone and did it – undone me, that is, and I'm all the wiser I think for having been bowled over. This week our schedule became especially bloated with plays, basketball, indoor soccer, field trips (see photos), school projects. Last week I was organized, this week I am not.
This morning we had chips for breakfast, we're missing two winter coats, I found a burrito in the van – one we'd forgotten about apparently after having had fast food for dinner not once but twice this week. This week, I've lived in the van, no lie – this crazy week has been a blur. It's so obvious, in fact, I am not on top of "it" - "it" being the clutter, correspondance, meal planning, my patience, laundry, homework, etc. – there is no point pretending I am anything but extremely fallible.
I'm just an imperfect mom who adores her family, even when they drive her INSANE, who's completely wrapped up in her family, stumbling through one day to the next, dropping balls, putting her foot in her mouth. The good news is, these sorts of confirmations, the frequent setbacks, don't throw me off as much as they used to.
On Monday, for example, when I came downstairs to see my oldest daughter in tears because she'd accidently unscrewed the blender containing 3 cups of milk, 4 eggs, 2 cups of flour and 2 tablespoons of melted butter from its base, causing every last sticky drop of that batter to spill forth onto the floor, into open drawers, all over the counter, I didn't bat an eye. It was par for the course, really. "Get your back packs," I called to my darlings, "We're going to Dunkin Donuts!" And we did, leaving the mess behind.
I do believe there is wisdom to be found in just salvaging what you can, in rolling with it when your best laid plans fall through.
I know by now to keep an apology on my lips ( I say "sorry" quite often – because I screw up quite often), and a prayer for mercy going in my heart. This prayer especially:
Prayer for the Acceptance of God's Will
O LORD, I know not what ask of Thee. Thou alone knowest what are my true needs. Thou lovest me more then I myself know how to love. Help me to see my real needs which are concealed from me. I dare not ask either a cross of consolation. I can only wait on Thee. My heart is open to Thee. Visit and help me, for thy great mercy ‘s sake. Strike me and heal me, cast me down and raise me up. I worship in silence Thy holy will and Thine inscrutable ways. I offer myself as a sacrifice to thee. I put all my trust in Thee. I have no other desire then to fulfill thy will. Teach me how to pray. Pray Thou Thyself in me. Amen
I need help. I need forgiveness. I'm right where I probably should be. It is good.
Do you have a photo or reflection on "Wisdom" to share? Please link to it in the comment section below. Next week's The Way I See It Theme will be: Nourishment