When asked now why I converted to Orthodox Christianity, I’m not the best at giving a clear answer. Fifteen years ago, I had a fairly detailed response I handed out to those interested. It involved theology, Tradition, church history, a lot of comparing and contrasting between my old faith and new one. Over time, however, as Orthodoxy began to take root in my heart and soul, I lost myself in the all-consuming journey of salvation as a mysterious process. Defending my decision ceased to matter to me much anymore, quite frankly. I had way bigger fish to fry, like chipping away at my pride, selfishness and impulsivity every minute of every day – like falling down and getting up again, every minute of every day. Somewhere along the line, Eastern Orthodox Christianity ceased being something I had done and evolved into everything I was/am.
I am Orthodox because Orthodoxy is bigger, vaster, deeper, wider, more beautiful than anything else I’ve ever experienced in this world. I am Orthodox because Orthodoxy is mystical, beyond reason, uncontainable. I am Orthodox because I believe whole-heartedly it contains the fullness of the faith, the fullness of Truth. Orthodoxy is hard, demanding, liberating, enlightening, mind-blowing, timeless, unearthly, indefinable. As an Orthodox Christian, I’m concerned primarily with dying to my self-centered desires and urges, and serving, loving, never judging my neighbor. Orthodoxy is so, so…so humbling. Orthodoxy contains every tool I need to run this race with perseverance until I die.
Do you see how that’s kind of a wordy and unwieldy elucidation to lay on an inquirer? How does one enthusiastically recommend travelling a path fraught with endless opportunities to become purified via suffering and self-denial? How does one explain the unexplainable: that through that suffering and self-denying comes irrational peace and fulfillment?
Well recently, I came across a letter written to a new convert by the late Mother Thekla of the Monastary of Assumption in Yorkshire that communicates succinctly what I so struggle to express about the Orthodox Faith to those curious about my reasons for embracing it. I found the letter to be profoundly accurate, and convicting to me as an Orthodox Christian who is often guilty of slipping precariously close into lukewarmness. I will refer to this letter from now on when approached by anyone seriously considering grafting themselves into the solidity and antiquity of the Orthodox Christian Church.
When asked, “Should I too convert?” I’ll point to this:
Dear “John”,
I understand that you are on the way to becoming Orthodox. I know nothing about you, beyond the fact that you are English.
Before we go any further, there is one point I should make clear. I have not been told why you are about to convert, but I assure you there is no point whatsoever if it is for negative reasons. You will find as much “wrong” (if not more) in Orthodoxy as in the Anglican or Roman Churches.
So – the first point is, are you prepared to face lies, hypocrisy, evil and all the rest, just as much in Orthodoxy as in any other religion or denomination?
Are you expecting a kind of earthly paradise with plenty of incense and the right kind of music?
Do you expect to go straight to heaven if you cross yourself slowly, pompously and in the correct form from the right side?
Have you a cookery book with all the authentic Russian recipes for Easter festivities?
Are you an expert in kissing three times on every possible or improper occasion?
Can you prostrate elegantly without dropping a variety of stationery out of your pockets?
OR…..
Have you read the Gospels?
Have you faced Christ crucified? In the spirit have you attended the Last Supper – the meaning of Holy Communion?
AND….
Are you prepared, in all humility, to understand that you will never, in this life, know beyond Faith; that Faith means accepting the Truth without proof. Faith and knowledge are the ultimate contradiction –and the ultimate absorption into each other.
Living Orthodoxy is based on paradox, which is carried on into worship – private or public.
We know because we believe and we believe because we know.
Above all, are you prepared to accept all things as from God?
If we are meant, always, to be “happy”, why the Crucifixion? Are you prepared, whatever happens, to believe that somewhere, somehow, it must make sense? That does not mean passive endurance, but it means constant vigilance, listening, for what is demanded; and above all, Love.
Poor, old, sick, to our last breath, we can love. Not sentimental nonsense so often confused with love, but the love of sacrifice – inner crucifixion of greed, envy, pride.
And never confuse love with sentimentality.
And never confuse worship with affectation.
Be humble – love, even when it is difficult. Not sentimental so called love – And do not treat church worship as a theatrical performance!
I hope that some of this makes sense,
With my best wishes,
Mother Thekla (sometime Abbess of the Monastery of the Assumption, Normanby)
My dear friends, forgive me my lack of clarity and far from perfect example of Orthodox Christianity lived out in the everyday. I am weak and forgetful, for sure, but nonetheless Christ and His Church is where I’m at, who I am, what I live for, love for, die for, create for, strive for and depend on. Orthodox Christianity cannot be mastered or dissected, only experienced. Far be it from me to try and convince anyone of anything; I am not the Holy Spirit. All that to say, I have not much else to say but, “Lord have mercy on us all!”, and if you want to find out more than “Come and See!”
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Well put, Molly–and Mother Thekla! To throw more words out beyond that would be like throwing a dirty old rug over the flame of a beeswax candle.
As ‘newly grafted’ I can relate to a lot of this…but mostly that I’ve not even begun to plumb the depths of this faith. Ironically, part of the reason I ended up stepping foot inside an Orthodox church was out of sheer exhaustion. My parents had church hopped most of my childhood and I had continued that pattern into young adulthood. One of the first things my priest and I talked about was the fact that each denomination had their own spin on ‘why I was not saved enough‘- and the fact that I had been baptized four times already (again with rules and not-enoughness). I remember him smiling with a twinkle in his eye and saying that the Orthodox view of ‘salvation’ was so upside-down (or perhaps right-side up?
) from the theological definition I had had for so long that it would no longer matter, much like you said here: I lost myself in the all-consuming journey of salvation as a mysterious process. Every time the priest and I talk about it now I can’t help but smile and get a twinkle in my eye now too. It amazes me how many of the internal struggles and sort of cognitive dissonances I had two years ago have completely disappeared and have been replaced with better things. As you say Orthodoxy gives us tools for the journey and helps strip away all that bogs us down.
I too was baptised in at least 3 different Christian traditions and have been a communicant of 15 different confessions before becoming Orthodox. One time it occurred to me to rewrite the testimony of the Apostle Paul to fit my story, “Baptised in three traditions; as to legalistic righteousness, memorized more Scripture than anyone; as to zeal, been on more crusades than Billy Graham. But I count it all loss for the sake of Christ AND HIS CHURCH.”
Alright, now ya’ll got me started. I am just going to have to make a blog post of my own and track back to this wonderful post!
“It amazes me how many of the internal struggles and sort of cognitive dissonances I had two years ago have completely disappeared and have been replaced with better things”
Very well put, Joy. This has been my experience as well.
Molly, I recently read this letter from Mother Thekla, too, and was convicted and encouraged at the same time. As a relatively new Orthodox Christian, I have so, so much growing to do. It is wonderful to find a gem like this letter to brighten the path.
A wonderful gem indeed, Michelle!
I was So-o excited to read your Latest … AND the comment by Michelle M. whose experience I’ve also had,I forgot to enter any comment myself, thinking u would “read” my mind and just pressed “submit”
Tell me, will u publish my thought?
Miriam (who often talked and now types faster than she thinks ..too.often!)
PS – am so thrilled the process for publishing is So forgiving …
My experience is very much as Michelle M. wrote in her comment. I was so thrilled as a New Orthodox Christian , I alienated many Wonderful friends who remain to this day compassionate and loving. They are better persons than I will ever be. May God have Mercy on my Soul!
Oh my dear, Mat. Miriam, it is always such a joy to hear from you! You and Father Luke played such an important role in our family’s spiritual journey. Yes, God have mercy on all of us! So much love to you!
This is so well said. Those explanations and comparisons roll of the tongue a little too easy, but they fall flat. Ultimately it is the experience of Orthodox Christianity that captures you, and that’s not so easy to put into words. Thanks for this.
Thank you for your comment, Laura!
I became an Orthodox Christian because when I walk out of liturgy, I know that I have prayed and praised and worshiped to the best of my human ability. And having done so, I am changed. Forever changed.
Amen, Pentha.
Molly, thank you. I wanted you to know that your post called “One Girl’s Journey to Orthodoxy” is clearly one of the stepping stones in my own journey. I found it on the Journey to Orthodoxy website last year and after I read it I thought, “I think I could do this too. Her story seems like mine.” My husband and I read church history (ok, HE read church history) for 4-5 years. Then one year ago this month we became regular attenders at our Orthodox church. In September of 2012 we were Chrismated together and received into the church. Now it is who we are and is infinitely authentic, deeply true, rich, and so real.
Stephanie, what a profound honor to be connected in some way to your spiritual journey to Orthodoxy.This comment was so very encouraging to me! God is good to uplift us through our connections to one another. Peace and blessings to you! And thanks again!
Hello: I heard this podcast on ancient faith radio and then googled for your blog. This post is a thank you of sorts. The last few days have been very spiritually challenging for me. Yesterday I had an argument online with an atheist who made some really mean comments, and he called me a “fake Christian.” I felt so hurt and so defensive, then I started wondering maybe the person was right and asking myself what am i doing ? who am I kidding? I don’t stand a chance! Your podcast and Mother Thekla’s letter helped me to get back to center again. I’m still quite new to Orthodoxy so much of what you said I could definitely relate to. It’s good to have those reminders as to why I came to be Orthodox.